Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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