Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
