We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
