If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
