his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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