can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
