If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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