had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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