He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
