Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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