Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
