Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
