I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
