it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
