Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize