I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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