i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
