Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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