Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
