He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
