THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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