My room smells like vodka and shame
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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