You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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