apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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