He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
