it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
