I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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