Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
