Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
