I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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