i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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