I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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