Only a mothe r could love this liver
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
