It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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