I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
