ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
