just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
