wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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