Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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