he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
