Where is the hickey?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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