just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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