I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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