They should really pass out barf bags in church
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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