"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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