I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
