She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
