just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
