He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
