it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
