So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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