I cannot find my penis.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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