Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
