i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
