Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
