I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
