Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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