there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
