I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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