Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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