i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
