i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
